Relationship Questions To Get To Know Your S.O. Better

If you're dating someone, odds are that you know quite a lot about them. But hey, it's important to prioritize getting to know your partner throughout your entire relationship: People *change* over time, which means that there's always more to learn. That's where these relationship questions come in.

"It's important to grow with your partner, not in opposite directions," says , PhD, a certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist for . "If we continue to have a dialogue about our values and goals, we can ensure we are going in the same life direction." Noted! (See also: )

That said, it can be hard to know the specific questions to ask. Like, should you ask them about their past? How they're feeling right now? What they want for the future?

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Yep. It can be pretty darn confusing. (And scary!) That's why I compiled a list of 100 (yes, 100!) expert-approved questions for *every single stage* of your relationship. Interested? Good. Keep reading.

When You're Dating

Odds are that things still feel pretty new. You're probably going on dates together, hanging out regularly, and talking on occasion but you haven't fully ~defined~ what you are yet. "These questions can offer a deeper look at each person's interests and values to see if dating makes sense," says Skyler. Basically, they'll help you get a sense of whether you two are relationship material. (More: )

  • What are three things on your bucket list?
  • What are the top three adventures you've had in your life?
  • What are two things that you regret?
  • What was the hardest life lesson to learn?
  • What's your favorite childhood memory?
  • What's your dream job?
  • What do you consider your greatest success?
  • What's the most incredible thing you've ever eaten?
  • What's your greatest sexual fantasy?
  • What do you value in a relationship?
  • Where do you hope to be living in the next five years?
  • What was your first impression of me?
  • Who is your inspiration?
  • What's your ideal work-life balance?
  • What's the longest you've been in a relationship?

When You're Exclusive

You're officially a couple! It's time to take on a whole new set of questions, Skyler says. The following can determine how aligned you are on your values and beliefs, which can predict whether your relationship will last, Skyler explains.

  • What are your feelings on sexual exclusivity and monogamy?
  • Where do you see yourself in one year, three years, ten years?
  • Do you believe in the institution of marriage?
  • Do you believe in ?
  • At what age do you see yourself getting married?
  • What would your ideal wedding look like?
  • Do you want kids? Why or why not?
  • When would you want to have kids and how many would you have?
  • Do you want to live in this town where we are dating, or do you plan to move?
  • What are your favorite parts about my personality?
  • What are your favorite parts of your personality?
  • Do you like spending time with my friends?
  • What's your favorite thing that we do together?
  • What's one date we haven't gone on yet that you want to try?
  • What's something new that you'd like to try in bed together?

When You're Meeting The Parents

So yeah, you've dated, you've been exclusive for a while, and now you've finally met his family (or you're about to). "These questions address family dynamics and help the relationship go to the next level of psychological sophistication," Skyler explains. Asking these Qs will help you understand your partner in terms of their perspectives on family, relationships, parenting, and more.

  • What was your relationship to religion or spirituality growing up?
  • What's your relationship to religion or spirituality right now?
  • What do your parents believe in today?
  • Are there any mental health issues or addiction struggles in your family?
  • How open are you with your parents?
  • What do your parents know about me already?
  • What do your siblings know about me already?
  • How close are you with your family members?
  • How often do you see your family?
  • What do your parents want for you in a partner?
  • How important is your parent's approval to you?
  • What kind of relationship do you want me to have with your family?
  • How important are holidays and traditions to your family?
  • What kind of questions can I expect your family to ask me?
  • How welcoming has your family been with outsiders in the past?

When You Live Together

Moving in together? Then, this is for you. "These questions help cohabitation go smoothly," says Skyler. "There needs to be a blending of lives and at least a small fund for the blending of money so that the couple starts to feel they are on the same team." Got it? Great. Now ask away.

  • What kind of place do you want to live in and why?
  • How would you prefer to decorate our home?
  • What tasks should we divide?
  • What is your preferred level of cleanliness?
  • What tasks should we each take to keep the home in good shape?
  • How do we want to divide finances?
  • How much money should we contribute to a joint fund?
  • How much money do we want to set aside for luxuries like date nights and travel?
  • What should our budget be when buying new furniture and decor for the home?
  • Do you have any pet peeves about living with others?
  • How will we prioritize spending time with friends?
  • What are your essential services and subscriptions?
  • Are there any kinds of specific chores that you hate or love doing?
  • Do you prefer that we do our grocery shopping together or separately?
  • Do you prefer that we eat meals at the same time and cook together?

When You're Getting Married

Okay, so if you're about to get married (or if you already are), these questions will definitely get you and your partner to go deeper with your intimacy and conversations.

"Not everything needs to align, but there needs to be enough overlap to have a satisfying shared life," Skyler explains. And, yep, these relationship questions will tell you if you're on the same page.

  • What does marriage mean to you?
  • How do you think being married will change our relationship?
  • Do marriage and having children coincide for you?
  • Why is it important to you that we get married on this date?
  • How much input are we going to let our parents have in wedding planning?
  • What's the best wedding you've ever been to and why?
  • What would your ideal wedding budget be?
  • What's your favorite movie or television wedding scene?
  • How long would you want to take to plan our wedding?
  • What do you picture us doing on our first wedding anniversary?
  • Do weddings excite you? Why or why not?
  • When did you know that you wanted to marry me?
  • What did you picture your wedding looking like when you were little?
  • What are your opinions on divorce?
  • If we could do anything, where do you see us being in 20 years?

When You're Ready For Kids

Want to grow your family or already have some kiddos of your own? Make sure you share the same vision for how those li'l ones will be loved and raised. "One of the most important elements for long-term relationship success is having shared values and shared future dreams," Skyler says. Start by learning about what their expectations, dreams, and hopes are for children, and then get into some logistics.

  • Have you always envisioned yourself having kids?
  • What kind of parent do you think each of us would be?
  • Would you be open to adoption?
  • How do you think you would handle pregnancy and labor?
  • How do you think you would handle the adoption process?
  • How many children do you envision us having?
  • What are the values you'd like to instill in our children?
  • Which of your best characteristics do our children have?
  • Which of your worst characteristics do our children have?
  • Is being a parent what you expected it to be?
  • What do our children teach you or what do you expect to learn from them?
  • What kind of education did you envision our children having?
  • How would you prefer we handle telling our children about the world's realities?
  • What was the most important lesson you learned as a child?
  • What was the best thing your parents ever taught you?

When You're Retiring

"We're always changing and growing," says Skyler. That means there's always more to learn, even as you approach retirement.

  • Where would you like to live during our retirement?
  • What are we going to do with the money that we've saved?
  • What are some of your favorite moments from our life together?
  • What accomplishment are you most proud of?
  • What accomplishment of mine are you most proud of?
  • What has been your favorite memory with our children?
  • What was the most fun vacation we've taken? Should we go back?
  • If we could go anywhere, where would we go?
  • How important is it for us to be near our other family members?
  • What are you most looking forward to about being retired?

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