Sparking New Romance — When Spontaneity Feels Like a Chore

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Sparking New Romance — When Spontaneity Feels Like a Chore

11:27 pm on a Sunday.
Him: “Just come over now?”
Me: “…”
Those ellipses hold so much inner conflict. But they can’t even find the words to express it because the emotions are adding weight to the already heavy eyelids that were closing before that text was sent.
I am always conflicted about spontaneous invitations when I’m juggling a high-stakes workload, especially when I’m seeing someone new and I’m seduced by the thought of escaping into fun, despite the consequences it may have on my week.

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For years now, I’ve lived a life of busyness extremes. It feels as though I’m either working four jobs and stretching each hour to be as productive as possible or completely detaching from responsibility and designing every day like a Sunday in the Bahamas.
My dating life thrives during my vacay mode periods. I am wild and free and adventurous. When I read the overly common dating app sentiment from men who express they want someone who “doesn’t take life too seriously”, I think, yeah, sure that’s me, totally. I can swing that vibe. Let’s go dancing! Let’s stay up all night eating cheese and coloring in our underwear. Let’s take a day trip to Palm Springs and drive around until we find something cool. The beach! The mountains! Necesito practicar mi español, ¡vamos a México!
I probably seem like a very different person. And in some ways I am. My inner boss lady goes quiet and I don’t care as much about being five minutes late or sleeping past 8:00 am. I’m a legend. And I can pretend it will always be that liberating and money doesn’t run out and life’s a dream; let’s go nap in the hammock for a while, who cares. I just want to lie here in your arms and