Keeping Your Child Safe from Sexual Abuse

[Tautoko Mai]

Beware of anyone who wants to be with your children more than you do. It surrounds us; everywhere. It acknowledges no boundaries, geographic or cultural. It's insidious and, at its extreme, life threatening. Fighting it is ridiculously simple, yet inexplicably avoided. Child sexual abuse is a criminal behavior that has always been with us and unfortunately always will.

As with overcoming the social reluctance to discuss cancer in the 1960's, alcohol and drug addiction in the 1970s, the most effective way to counter child sexual abuse is through acknowledging that it exists, educating yourself (which you are doing now) and by talking to your children about it. Seems simple enough, but for some, near impossible. Some parents are embarrassed - for cultural, religious or personal reasons - at the mere thought of speaking to their young children about sex. However sex is the center of our being. As George Michael so famously sang and it is in the appropriate setting, between consenting adults. It's what ensures our survival as a species. sexual abuse hamilton

Children have an innate knowledge of their sexuality on their own scale of development. A young child doesn't need to know the entire life cycle of the birds and the bees; they need to know what is appropriate for their age and emotional level. They need to know what comprises healthy and natural contact with others, particularly adults and more importantly, what does not.

By the age of ten most young children have a fairly good idea of what's going on. As parents we owe it to them to set them straight before they start trading in the rumors of middle school when they start to hide within their social shell and communication on the subject becomes difficult. By talking frankly to your children you are arming them with the shield of knowledge, self confidence and the ability to protect themselves. Child sexual abuse as a subject needs to be dragged into the sunlight and dealt with as the reality that it is. We have to face the issue head on in order to learn how to eliminate it as a threat to our families and friends. We must face it publicly so the perpetrators of this iniquitous behavior know that they are "on notice", that they cannot prey on our young. sexual assault hamilton

How prevalent is sexual abuse with children? It's disturbingly widespread. In some Asian countries child sex abuse is an industry, relied upon for national income. As incredible as that sounds it's true and it accounts for what is referred to as "sex tourism". The 'why' part of this behavior, is the subject for another article, if indeed there is, or can be, a 'why".

Let me set the framework of what we're dealing with. First let me answer the question most often asked "What are the indicators of child sexual abuse?" Answer: there aren't any more on this in a minute.

A standard misconception is that most sexual assaults are committed by strangers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim or the victim's family. Another misconception is that the majority of sexual offenders are caught, convicted, and in prison. Not true, only a fraction of those who commit sexual assault are apprehended and convicted for their crimes. In fact, the vast majority of child sex crimes go unreported. Most convicted sex offenders eventually are released to the community under probation or parole supervision. abused sexual hamilton

Why are there no tell-tale signs of child sexual abuse? The quick answer is that nature has made vaginas elastic and self-lubricating even in young girls. Anus's stretch and any lesions quickly heal. Oral abuse does not leave a trace. Semen and sperm disappear fairly quickly. Repeated abusers take care not to hurt the children so as to avoid disclosure. Let's talk about sexual predators. There are three kinds.

Pedophiles have a sexual preference for children. This in itself does not make them criminals. They get into trouble when they act on their impulses and, for example, start collecting child pornography which is a serious victim-exploiting crime.

If they act on their impulses they become the second type of predator; preferential child sexual abusers. They have no interest in having sex with adults, only children, usually pre-pubescent. These are generally male and have a distinct pattern to their predatory behavior, including recruiting victims - referred to as 'grooming' - and retaining them in an ongoing pattern of sexual abuse while ensuring that they do not disclose the abuse. These first two kinds of predators are called preferential; meaning that they have a distinct sexual preference for children. sexually assaulted hamilton

The third kind is the situational sexual abuser this abuser is one of opportunity. He or she enjoys having sex with adults and have sex with children when the opportunity arises. For example, when they are left alone with a child, they're drunk, they're angry at the child or mother and assault the child to hurt the mother - there's a long list of reasons. They key word is opportunity.