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有一位女士，她在諮商中會報告最新的感情狀況，好比跟一位男士曖昧、或已經試過床，「他的性技巧不錯，也長得不錯，有發展的可能！」通常一個月後，她便會跟我抱怨那些男士怎樣令她受傷或失望，她可能會說「我不要再認真對待感情了」，或是過了一週，她就開始跟另一名男士開始約會或打炮，然後興奮的跟我說：「這次很有可能，他對我很好，我也蠻喜歡他的。」 這樣在關係中的來來回回，印象中大概持續了好幾個月，直到某一次她再也受不了，再也不確定自己到底在幹嘛，開始痛哭時，我們才得以面對：也許，她在關係裡的忙碌與流轉，不是浪蕩或多情，而是一次又一次的逃避哀悼。 一次又一次的分離，其實在都心裡劃下一道道以「自我質疑」為血色的傷痕：是不是我不夠好？是不是我沒有吸引力？我註定愛上渣男？或是他們因為在我面前，才會是一位渣男？ 當我們逃避哀悼，那些自我質疑的聲音也許能夠被暫時潛抑下來，但佛洛伊德說過，潛抑的總會回返。而我想像，這些聲音由於已經在潛意識空間中迴響且共鳴，在回返時一定更為嚇人！ 《單身動物園》劇照 我在〈生活的不幸，是發現自己其實不愛枕邊人──離開前任的四種方法〉中講述了人們一般離開一段關係所使用的方法，其中寫道： 很多時候，愛情也不過是一種「找個人來陪」的替代性滿足關係，讓人誤以為自己已經放下原本的愛人了。就像一位個案告訴我的：「也許你聽下去會覺得我是個渣男，就當時跟前任分手後，我只想找個人陪伴自己，所以你問我愛不愛現任，很可能從一開始就不是愛。」 我想由此延伸並補充兩點── 第一，許多人也的確因為交了新歡，才發現幾個月前自己為舊愛的哭哭啼啼，其實是沒有必要的。換言之，哀悼的過程也可能是一起突然的領悟下的質變：「原來我已經放下了／原來舊愛是個爛人，早知道我就不會為他哭／因為現在的關係，我發現自己值得被愛！」 第二，即使人們能夠達到「在心理結構上作出愛的力量（性本能）的轉移」，即一種昇華，這仍代表這份舊情仍然以某種形式存在於昇華物之中，因此，到底有沒有完成哀悼……這件事？我認為答案是：未必。 過去，尤其在古典文學中，我們常常看見因為一次失戀，人們把自己演活成「悲劇人物」，困在情傷中出不來──無盡哀悼，一種病態化。今天，只要下樓去轉角的酒吧，或打開手機交友軟體，人們被教導沒有哀悼的必要、重點是趕快找尋「下一份快感」──逃避哀悼，一種娛樂化。 無法哀悼，也代表失去自由 換言之，人們不是逃向A，就是逃向B，沒有A與B之間的思考空間、沒有別的選擇的餘地。意即，在急板的節奏催趕下，我們失去自由。 這種失去自由的人類境況，《單身動物園》在電影一開始就以十分象徵的方式表達出來。 大衛在一開始登記入住「配對飯店」的時候，就必得去勾選是「異性戀」抑或者「同性戀」。在大學時期有過同性戀戀人的他想要選「雙性戀」，卻被櫃台小姐告知沒有「雙性戀」的選項：「因為作業上的困難，這個選項從去年夏天就取消了。你現在得選擇要登記為異性戀或是同性戀。」 後來，大衛要挑選室內的拖鞋，又被告知只有44或45碼，而沒有真正適合他的44.5碼。再者，飯店經理提醒大衛，45天後如果找不到伴侶，就會變成一頭動物。雖然成為動物以後還是有機會找到伙侶，但要注意：「您要選擇同種類的動物作伴侶，狼和企鵝不可能生活在一起。」 《單身動物園》劇照 最後的最後，我們來想想，今天如果在諸如 Dcard 的平臺，有一位年輕人提問：「我是不是同性戀者？」，然後附上一些描述，比如「看到喜歡的男生會性興奮、看成人電影的時候會注意男角多於女角」，一般來說，網民們便會急著向他指出「你（不）是同性戀者」。 事實上，心理學家發現一些男士在青少年階段或當兵的單一性別環境中，有過同性戀經驗，但日後他們仍然跟女性結婚，也自認是異性戀者。 那一位雙性戀者，可以安於自己是「雙性戀」嗎？我在諮商中就見過幾位男生，他們其實一開始都自由戀愛於男女伴侶之間，但一段日子以後，他們都選擇以「同性戀」自居。 難道這不也是某種無形的社會性別壓力？要求人們要不是異性戀，要不是同性戀？我從精神分析的角度思考，會想細說：在某些同性戀男士身上，他們有著未哀悼的異性戀身份──這又是可以寫好幾篇論文來細究的重要議題了。 § 寫作需要支持，歡迎給心／收藏／留言／分享文章到你的社交平臺，訂閱我的專題寫作，或到臉書專頁按讚追蹤；若有心理諮商需求與相關疑問，可電郵或聯絡工作診所 §